What do you need right now?
What to do for when you don’t know how to answer that question
Hello, Loves.
If you’re in the thick of something hard (and who right now isn’t?), maybe grief, illness, job loss, or whatever it may be, and people keep asking you what they can do to help, I know it can be hard to answer that. Whether it’s because you have no idea what to say in the moment they ask, or it’s because you’re not used to/comfortable with asking for what you need, I have a suggestion for you.
If you can, make a running list of things you could use or would really like. Do you need to get out of the house and meet for a coffee and a walk? Put that on the list. Do you need someone to make a large meal or two you can freeze and reheat? Put it on the list. Do you have children? Could you use someone taking them to the park for an afternoon so you can have some free time alone or with your partner? Add it to the list. Have you been looking at a piece of furniture you need to assemble for weeks on end but haven’t the energy to assemble it yourself? Are you in a functional freeze state and haven’t washed your dishes/done laundry/gone grocery shopping in a while and could use help with that? Is your hair a mess but you don’t have time or money to go to the salon/barbershop? If you’ve said to yourself, “I could really use a massage,” or, “Getting a manicure would be really nice,” put them on the list as well.
Identifying what could be nice for you or useful to you, what could bring you some fun or some relaxation, or which responsibility could be taken off of your plate right now, and then sending people who genuinely care the list of things you need when they ask, is a great way to outline some of what self-care could look like for you, as well as offering your loved ones a way to be there for you. Let them choose the thing they can do, and then accept community care, especially during this really hard time for you. Most of the time, when people who love us offer help, they really do mean it, they just don’t know what to do.
Love y’all.